Anxiety During Pregnancy: What It Really Looks Like and How Postpartum Planning Can Help

By Stephanie Arrington, LCSW, PMH-C | Heights Psychotherapy | Jersey City, NJ

Pregnancy is supposed to feel exciting. And for many people, it does, at least some of the time. But for a significant number of expecting mothers, pregnancy also brings a persistent undercurrent of worry, dread, and emotional overwhelm that doesn't get talked about nearly enough.

Anxiety during pregnancy is just as common as postpartum depression and yet it's far less recognized. As a perinatal mental health therapist in Jersey City, I work with expecting and new mothers every day, and anxiety is one of the most frequent, and most missed, concerns I see.

What Anxiety During Pregnancy Actually Looks Like

One of the reasons perinatal anxiety goes unaddressed is that it doesn't always look the way people expect. It's not always tearfulness or panic attacks. Often, it's quieter and harder to name.

It might look like:

• Researching obsessively and being unable to stop even when it makes you feel worse

• Feeling convinced something is wrong with your baby even after a reassuring appointment, and finding the relief only lasts a day or two

• Staying extremely busy and over-planning as a way to feel in control

• Feeling on edge, irritable, or snapping at your partner without knowing why

• A persistent belief that you're going to be a bad mother. Not as a passing thought, but as something that follows you

• Feeling detached or numb, and wondering if something is wrong with you

Anxiety is sneaky. It finds the thing that matters most to you and makes it the thing you can't stop worrying about. Right now, there is nothing that matters more to you than this baby and anxiety knows that.

If any of this resonates, it's worth paying attention to. Anxiety during pregnancy is treatable. And more importantly: untreated anxiety during pregnancy is one of the biggest risk factors for postpartum anxiety and depression. Which is exactly why what you do before the baby arrives matters so much.

Why Postpartum Planning Is One of the Most Valuable Things You Can Do

Here's something I say to expecting clients often, especially first-timers: not knowing what you'll need postpartum is completely normal. Having a baby is abstract until it's actually happening. You can read every book, take every class, and still have no idea how you'll feel, what will be hard, or what kind of support will help.

That's not a failure. That's just the reality of stepping into something you've never done before.

This is exactly why postpartum planning matters — and why I offer it as part of my work with expecting parents. It's a chance to think through the practical and emotional landscape of the postpartum period before you're in the thick of it.

In postpartum planning sessions, here's what we cover:

• Caring for mom — your physical, emotional, and mental recovery, and who is responsible for making sure you are taken care of

• Sleep — realistic strategies for both mom and baby, and how to divide nighttime responsibilities with your partner

• Food — what you'll prep and freeze, which nights are takeout nights, and what snacks will be within arm's reach at 3am

• Visitors — how to set boundaries that protect your recovery and give your support system a job so visits feel helpful

• Caring for baby — feeding, sleep, and who is doing what, so you're not negotiating in the fog of sleep deprivation

• Identifying PPA and PPD — what postpartum anxiety and depression actually look like from the inside, and how to know when it's time to reach out

The goal isn't a perfect plan. It's to go into the postpartum period feeling less alone, more prepared, and with a clearer sense of what you need and who is in your corner.

You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone

Whether you're navigating anxiety during pregnancy, preparing for postpartum, or already in the thick of the fourth trimester, support is available, and you deserve it.

I work with expecting and new mothers in Jersey City and virtually throughout New Jersey, New York, and Florida.

Schedule a free consultation to learn more about postpartum planning and perinatal mental health therapy.

Stephanie Arrington is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Perinatal Mental Health Certified (PMH-C) therapist at Heights Psychotherapy in Jersey City, NJ, specializing in maternal mental health, anxiety, and support for modern mothers.

What Weekend Golf Says About the Mental Load in Your Home

Let me be clear and start with this: it’s not really about golf.

If your partner plays golf, enjoys fishing, plays video games, trains for marathons—this post isn’t about demonizing hobbies. In fact, it’s great when people have something they love. What I’m talking about is something quieter, but deeper. It’s the way women tend to bend around their partner’s time, routines, and needs—while theirs remain negotiable, invisible, or downright ignored.

I hear it all the time in my therapy practice:

“He works really hard during the week, so I don’t want to nag.”
“He decompresses on the course.”
“I don’t want to be the wife who ruins his fun.”

Meanwhile, she hasn’t had a morning alone in three months. Her hobbies are on pause until the baby sleeps better. Her therapy keeps getting rescheduled because someone has to do daycare pickup. Spoiler alert: it’s her.

When I hear that a husband plays golf every weekend, what I’m really hearing is that his time is protected like gold and hers is treated like spare change.

It’s not about the sport. It’s about the system.

When one partner’s free time is considered sacred and the other’s is always up for negotiation, that’s not equity. That’s emotional labor. That’s mental load. That’s a woman silently managing, adjusting, overcompensating.

This isn’t just about resentment (though that will sneak in eventually). It’s about women being trained to shrink their needs, to be "understanding," to pick up the slack, to never say, “What about me?”

And here’s what I want to say to you: what about you?

Your time matters. Your needs matter. You are allowed to have boundaries, rest, and hobbies that interrupt family plans sometimes. You are allowed to ask for more without being labeled “difficult” or a “nag”. You are allowed to expect partnership—not management.

So, if you’ve found yourself feeling vaguely off about your partner’s weekly four-hour golf game while you’re juggling groceries, play dates, and nap time—you’re not crazy. You’re waking up.

I help women untangle this stuff. Not by confronting their partner with a checklist of grievances, but by returning to themselves. By naming what’s been happening. By getting clear on what they need, what’s sustainable, what’s equitable.

This is about taking your time seriously.
This is about giving yourself permission.
This is about not carrying the whole load alone.

You can love your partner and still want more.
You can appreciate their need for downtime and fight for your own.
You can say, “Something needs to change”—and mean it.

And if you’re ready to start unloading the invisible weight, I’m here. Let’s work together to create more space, more clarity, and more you in your life. Reach out to schedule a free consultation and take the first step toward lightening your load.